


Stab Stab Stab

by rome_in_asia



Category: K-pop, The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, BbangKyu as serial killers, Crack, Dark Crack, Google - Freeform, Killing, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, special appearance by bday boy Juyeon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:55:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22279759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rome_in_asia/pseuds/rome_in_asia
Summary: Prompt: Imagine your OTP meeting for the first time as they dispose corpses of their recently murdered.
Relationships: Ji Changmin | Q/Kim Younghoon
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47





	Stab Stab Stab

Being a serial killer was surprisingly easy and fun. You can relieve stress, pretend the person you’re chopping is your hated co-worker, that lovely lady who spilled her coffee on you, etc. You can make works of art on their skin or use their blood as paint or even use their bones as drumsticks and carve them into mugs. 

The best part was that everything could be googled; from how to pick strangers up, how to make them trust you to how to slit their throats and dispose of the body without leaving a trace.

To Changmin, it was his weekly catharsis. He’d pick some hitchhiker miles from the city, give them a ride back to the city, then depending on his mood, he’ll stab stab stab immediately or engage his hostage in a talk about how the world might actually be flat and that aliens are already living amongst them.

The last thing his victims always see is Changmin’s bright smile. He fully believed that they deserve to see a happy face right before they plunge into the eternal darkness.

“Google said I should bleach you for ten hours to make sure, but I don’t have time for that. I’m sorry, Heejun-ah, we’re on a schedule so I’ll drain the tub and move you into the body bag, okay?” Changmin had just finished cleaning the kitchen before he went into the bathroom to talk to the pile of desecrated bones and meat bundles that used to be a person. “I’m pulling the plug~”

Changmin was careful as he loaded the chopped up bits of his companion into several paper bags. He used to place them in plastic bags, but when he read about the floating plastic island made of garbage somewhere in the pacific, Changmin was resolute and joined the movement to lesser use of plastics. Besides, paper was easier to burn than plastic and emitted less carbon dioxide.

“The cemetery might be crowded tonight, Heejun.” Changmin continued talking even as he gunned his car and began the short drive to the outskirts. “You know, Google’s very efficient with this kind of stuff. I already pounded your teeth and burned your hair, don’t worry! The police will never find any trace of you left. It’s good that you put your doggie up for adoption before you left your home; I wouldn’t want your pet to starve!”

He parked a little off ways from the site he was planning to hide Heejun, letting the radio play some cute girl group songs and setting up a fake lump of pillows in the backseat to simulate a person sleeping, then hopped off to leisurely walk towards the spot he had marked out the day before.

Imagine Changmin’s surprise when there was already another person there, shoveling dirt into a hole just very obviously recently dug.

“Whoa, whoa—this is not what it looks like!” the man screamed in surprise, dropping the shovel and raising his hands in surrender. Changmin couldn’t see him properly because he left his glasses back in his car, and also because it was dark. The man was taller than Changmin though, and broader… Changmin felt a little intimidated.

“What does it look like?” Changmin was glad he bleached Heejun’s chopped up bits. Holding the paper bags to his chest, all he could smell was chlorine and that was very much preferred it over rotting human flesh.

“Like.. I’m hiding a body? After murdering it and playing some Bach on the exposed tonsils which I had cut to a precise tune? I like Bach.” The man rambled on. “Totally. I like Bach.”

“Damn, I admire your patience.” Changmin sighed, placing the paper bags down. “I don’t have enough patience to do some extra stuff on their bodies. I usually just chloroform them and flay them until they die from blood loss or fear. I like the stabbing part, you know? Gets the adrenaline flowing.”

The man straightened up, blinking at Changmin. “So you’re here to bury the body too?”

“Well, not all of the body.” Changmin beckoned him to peer into the bags. “Google said I have to place his body in separate locations so I won’t get caught. I already dumped the DNA-rich parts in the septic tank of my home.”

“That’s very neat murdering.” The man complimented, all previous acting gone. His posture was more relaxed and cool and very suave, and Changmin found himself shooting heart eyes. “I’m not that neat, sadly. Google can’t teach everything.”

“Oh! You’re a Google Serial Killer too! That’s wonderful!” Changmin trilled.

“My name is Younghoon.”

Changmin grinned broadly, shaking Younghoon’s hand excitedly. “And I am Changmin. I would love to chat more, but the cops patrol this place in ten minutes, so I have to hurry and bury my pal Heejun over here.”

Younghoon volunteered to help, placing the remains into the hole he had previously dug. He even placed a tree seedling on top of the mound, explaining, “People are less likely to dig around if they see a sapling because they might accidentally uproot it. This is very effective, I promise!”

They were cutting it too close, however, and barely had time to slip back into Changmin’s car before a police car pulled up beside them, knocking on the car door and shining a flashlight into the interior.

Changmin opened the car with a shy smile, pulling the blankets closer to his body as Younghoon shifted behind him, putting on an equally abashed face. They had discarded their shirts to give the officer an impression that they were doing something entirely opposite from murdering but also R-18. Judging from the wide eyes the police had donned, Changmin thought their plan had worked.

“Sorry, officer. Just can’t help it, you know.” Younghoon kissed Changmin’s cheek, earning a giggle from the other man. “Home’s too far away.”

The clueless officer, who had a name tag of JUYEON LEE, wordlessly handed them a square pocket and walked back into his car. Younghoon let out a laugh when they discovered the packet was actually a condom, and they put their shirts back on so Changmin could drive them to the nearest 24 hour café to share some ideas about Google murdering over a slice of cheesecake and hot coffee.

They ended up being partners. In life and in stabbing. Changmin was just happy to find someone that shares the same… interests as he does.

And that poor cop Mr. Lee Juyeon had no idea he almost caught the two most prolific serial killers in their tiny city… on his birthday, no less.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you guys enjoyed this :D thank you for reading and have a nice day!
> 
> twitter: @juyeonieee
> 
> p.s. murder is bad kids don't do it
> 
> p.p.s. BBANGKYU POSTED RIGHT AFTER I PUBLISHED THIS IM GOING NUTS
> 
> p.p.p.s. i know the title sucks idk how to think anymore


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